When did you begin your doctoral program?
a) none of your business
b) I don’t want to think about it
c) not sure, but I think Clinton was president
d) all of the above
What would you compare your graduate experience to thus far?
a) Iraq—Brutal, disorganized, no end in sight.
b) Watching somebody choking on a peanut butter sandwich and realizing I never learned how to perform the Heimlich maneuver
c) It’s been fine; the drinking helps.
d) all of the above
What are your goals, aspirations, dreams?
a) to finish this damn thing once and for all
b) to make more than $18,000 a year
c) to not kill my advisor
d) to sit around all day watching Let’s Make a Deal
Answers: Either A’s, B’s, C’s, or D’s—Congratulations! You’re a doctoral candidate! You’re up with rosy fingered dawn, having long talks with Athene, signed on for a nineteen year voyage frought with many obstacles…no, wait, that was Odysseus. Odysseus who seemed to run into a different dangerous, frustrating, seemingly unnecessary problem every time he turned around. Sound familiar? We’re here to help.
5 Comments
September 4, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Hey, this is great! I’m thinking of doing a pHd program for paranormal studies, but maybe I should think twice.
Can’t wait for future installments. You should post a picture of yourself.
September 5, 2007 at 12:37 am
My answers were all of the above, except that drinking doesn’t numb the pain. But your words, your encouragement, your wisdom, do help. What do you suggest for perennial procrastination? How can I make it work for me?
September 5, 2007 at 5:59 pm
MG- You are hilarious. However, I have to admit this is NOT motivating me to finish! I am in that unsavory not-sure-what-i’m-doing-here space right now at TC… ABD and now a Mom!
FYI- i think you should call your blog “All Butt Dissertation” . No real reason why – it just makes me giggle.
-MM
September 11, 2007 at 12:39 am
Hey! I just found your blog by way of the tag procrastination, a tag which I have enjoyed using myself. And I’m a doctoral candidate. Cooincidence…or conspiracy?
September 11, 2007 at 3:50 pm
we are all part of the vast doctoral industrial complex in our own way…i’m now enjoying a totally different relationship to ‘procrastination’, and instead have chosen to label it ‘having fun.’