“If it seems that you’re in for an endless adventure out in the open, pray and jump off the ship!”
Now, coming from someone who is all about sailing as well as a Greek-Cypriot (and thus a remote cousin to Odysseus), this advice is a bad one: you never jump unless sinking…
Where am I now: I feel I m back in Ithaca, and now I have to deal with all the suitors so that I can finally… be king again. In other words, the out-in-the-open uncertainty is done, once and for all. I’ m on firm ground, for a change. I made sure that all the monsters have gone to sleep. Permanently! It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of blind faith in myself. And the story is not done yet…
So this is my Odyssey so far (for those who care to read yet another story):
I jumped off the boat. And I did it when it seemed that the adventure was near its end. I still jumped! I felt (and it was all based on a gut feeling) that this was simply wrong! I left my Ph.D. at Teachers College (like many other women I know) after many years of struggles: I passed all the classes with As, all the exams, I wrote all the preliminary papers, I changed advisers (the first one was incapable of seeing me through at least in this life time, the second just didn’t care/have the time to do it properly), I changed topics, I tried many approaches (yeap, Clinton WAS president when I went in!!). I got my M.Phil. and jumped out. Still feeling, I have to admit, that it was my fault, and I just ‘didn’t have it in me’ or ‘I wasn’t cut out for this’.
I started from scratch at another school, another continent. AND (this was the motivation and one of THE most valuable pieces of advice I can offer) doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do, no compromises. I dared to think that since it is MY Ph.D. the work should actually reflect MYSELF. I felt (crazy as it may sound) that I should pick a topic that I actually want to investigate and become ‘the expert’ on instead of continuing someone else’s legacy/sage.
And guess what?! Within 2 years of work with someone who CARES and is CAPABLE of helping I m graduating within the next year (if you can fathom that!) At the time, the move was THE most insane one, according to pretty much everyone, including my committee at T.C. (even though they all failed miserably at their job, and I can say this for certain now that I have compared them with those who can actually advice and want people to graduate, instead of ‘cheap labor’ for their projects).
But guess what, sometimes when you take a leap the net does appear!
In hindsight, the system and its “willing executioners” were so rotten and everyone’s priorities and agenda’s were in my way in an unethical manner. It should be about the student, who let’s not forget, is investing time and money (so that these people can have a salary and a well traveled power trip).
If it helps at all…
Now, I have to go back to my writing. This thing is not going to write itself.
Angelika – Bravo bravo bravo! Or brava. Your story is inspiring for those of us stuck in the malaise of regret and sticky memories. Now I want to hear more. Did you actually transfer to another school?
On a side note, I now have three friends who’ve left their phd programs and are happier than they’ve ever been. Not sure what to do with that, but I did buy a book on jobs outside academia for phds.
4 Comments
September 5, 2007 at 6:21 am
Well, here are my words of wisdom:
“If it seems that you’re in for an endless adventure out in the open, pray and jump off the ship!”
Now, coming from someone who is all about sailing as well as a Greek-Cypriot (and thus a remote cousin to Odysseus), this advice is a bad one: you never jump unless sinking…
Where am I now: I feel I m back in Ithaca, and now I have to deal with all the suitors so that I can finally… be king again. In other words, the out-in-the-open uncertainty is done, once and for all. I’ m on firm ground, for a change. I made sure that all the monsters have gone to sleep. Permanently! It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of blind faith in myself. And the story is not done yet…
So this is my Odyssey so far (for those who care to read yet another story):
I jumped off the boat. And I did it when it seemed that the adventure was near its end. I still jumped! I felt (and it was all based on a gut feeling) that this was simply wrong! I left my Ph.D. at Teachers College (like many other women I know) after many years of struggles: I passed all the classes with As, all the exams, I wrote all the preliminary papers, I changed advisers (the first one was incapable of seeing me through at least in this life time, the second just didn’t care/have the time to do it properly), I changed topics, I tried many approaches (yeap, Clinton WAS president when I went in!!). I got my M.Phil. and jumped out. Still feeling, I have to admit, that it was my fault, and I just ‘didn’t have it in me’ or ‘I wasn’t cut out for this’.
I started from scratch at another school, another continent. AND (this was the motivation and one of THE most valuable pieces of advice I can offer) doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do, no compromises. I dared to think that since it is MY Ph.D. the work should actually reflect MYSELF. I felt (crazy as it may sound) that I should pick a topic that I actually want to investigate and become ‘the expert’ on instead of continuing someone else’s legacy/sage.
And guess what?! Within 2 years of work with someone who CARES and is CAPABLE of helping I m graduating within the next year (if you can fathom that!) At the time, the move was THE most insane one, according to pretty much everyone, including my committee at T.C. (even though they all failed miserably at their job, and I can say this for certain now that I have compared them with those who can actually advice and want people to graduate, instead of ‘cheap labor’ for their projects).
But guess what, sometimes when you take a leap the net does appear!
In hindsight, the system and its “willing executioners” were so rotten and everyone’s priorities and agenda’s were in my way in an unethical manner. It should be about the student, who let’s not forget, is investing time and money (so that these people can have a salary and a well traveled power trip).
If it helps at all…
Now, I have to go back to my writing. This thing is not going to write itself.
September 17, 2007 at 3:53 am
Angelika – Bravo bravo bravo! Or brava. Your story is inspiring for those of us stuck in the malaise of regret and sticky memories. Now I want to hear more. Did you actually transfer to another school?
On a side note, I now have three friends who’ve left their phd programs and are happier than they’ve ever been. Not sure what to do with that, but I did buy a book on jobs outside academia for phds.
September 17, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I think I should start a page for people to tell their stories—they are fascinating!
February 28, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I love your site!
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